I Am An Expat, My Expat Life

I Took All the Online Nationality Quizzes and the Results are Confusing


I love online quizzes of any kind. If there’s a quiz for something, I’m going to take it. I love the ones that are about travelling, parenting and and particularly the nationality quizzes, the ones that promise to disclose the real nationality of my left toe, and that only in 10 questions! These never go deep, always remaining on the surface: pick a favourite dish, the house you’d most like to live in, your favourite landscape. But I thought maybe they’d reveal a surprising truth about myself. I’ve often felt I never really belonged in any country so no wonder I’m trying to figure this out, hoping that one answer will make me go EURECA, I’m moving to…I don’t know, let’s say, the Netherlands.

Therefore, I took test after test after test… and the results were surprising. No wonder I have identity issues. Or should have.

First things first: the How Polish Are You Test: I took this one because I was curious how Polish I really was. Answer: not very much, I got 40 out of 76: You’re somewhat Polish. Maybe your distant family is from Poland. Or maybe you’ve lived there but then moved out at some point in your life. Alternatively, you just forgot how to Polish. Still – good job!. I don’t know what to think about this (except for, Oh, thanks?) but at least it’s correct: I’ve lived there and then moved out. It doesn’t matter that I still lived in Poland longer that I lived abroad. Is there a study measuring how many Polish points you lose for every year of living abroad?

Now, on to the next quiz: How German Are You? Apparently, this test thinks I’m French: “You seem to be living in a civilized country, though you’re quite unaccustomed to German behaviour, a pity… Stop eating frogs and have a look on the other side of the border, with the current economic development you might find quite some special offers there soon.” Although I seem to remember taking another test in which I got more points doe to my intimate knowledge of recycling.

I’ve been living in the Netherlands for 5 years now, time to ask myself, How Dutch I Am. Do I belong to the land of tulips, windmills and weed? Here’s the answer: “You got 30 of 65 on this list. You’re not very Dutch I’m afraid. You need to book some flights to The Netherlands ASAP and feel inspired by all the tulips, poffertjes, bicycles, windmills and weed.” The five years of living here didn’t help at all, I’m afraid.

All right then, if I’m not fully Polish, German or Dutch, what is my real nationality then? This test tells me I’m Italian: “Impressionante! You are from beautiful Italy, the land of fantastic tradition! You have a big love for family, cooking and eating!” It is true that family, cooking and eating are important to me, but I guess while I love Italy, I think I like my environment rather quiet.

This test tells me there is such a thing like an inner nationality, so I took it out of curiosity. The verdict? You got: Italian. It’s true: you do love food. Because a meal symbolizes the love and warmth of a family and gives everyone the opportunity to argue and bond with others. You keep a few friends very close, but you aren’t too fond of many superficial acquaintances.” Italian again? Do I see a trend here?

Now, let’s have a look at my temperament. Apparently, it’s French: “The French have a term for your temperament, it is called “ennui.” You tend to take the ups and downs of life with the sort of content melancholy of an artist or a philosopher. It takes a lot to fire you up, but when you get angry you show it. Your emotions can become volcanic and destructive, but they run their course quickly and you soon return to your regular life. You believe there’s something very gauche about bearing a grudge, so your friends know that once your anger has run its course, you are the truest of friends.” I can’t deny that there is a French side to me, and I do love the food, and yes, the aforementioned ennui. I think my father would be proud of me. I must admit that I don’t have the fashion sense, unfortunately…

My soul has a distinct nationality on its own and that is.. British! Most people would be enraged that St. George slayed the dragon because it is an endangered species, but not you! Keep using your unnecessary “u”s after the letter “o” and enjoy listening to your Stephen Fry podcasts on the Underground. I am very enraged that St. George killed that poor dragon because dragons are my spirit animals (and yes, there is a quiz to prove it), so maybe my soul and me have a little misunderstanding about this.

And what nationality should I actually be? “American: You are the embodiment of the famous American spirit! You are a very dedicated and resourceful person, who loves a challenge. You work extremely hard, give it your best, and because of that, you are going places. You know that hard work and perseverance pays off.. America is one of the strongest countries in the world because of people like you who believe in the power of people to bring a positive change to the world. We salute you!” American? Really? I’ve never been there, but have many American friends and they’re awesome, so I taking this is a compliment. Maybe I was wrong to call myself the European Mama after all.

Now, as you know my husband is German. I once thought I’d never marry a German man, that I’d prefer a British husband. This test tells me I was right! “You should marry an English man! You are attracted to men who are even-tempered, highly cultured, and civil. Your men may be lacking in passion a little, but that’s fine by you. You like brainy guys who read and know when to leave you alone.” It is true but I think that such qualities can occur in many men, not only English ones.

For 5 years I’ve been living in the Netherlands, and lived in Germany before that. How right or wrong was our decision to move here? This test, What Country Should You Actually Live In, tells me I should go and live in Greece: “You would be perfect in Greece (77%)! You enjoy art! Greece is full of monuments, artsy buildings, paintings and sculptures just like your dreams! This is your dream home the perfect place to start or finish that art collection!”. But this test also shows me other possible countries I could live in: US or Canada (69%)- I actually lived in Canada and enjoyed it! England was third with 61% and the Virgin Islands were fourth (51%). But then this test  tells me I should live in Germany…

There’s even a test saying that there is a European country I belong in. And that is Norway! “You’re extremely reliable, independent, and tolerant. You hate injustice more than anything in the world. You love nature and you’re always up for a new adventure.” I may be tolerant and hate injustice, adventure? No, thanks.

The Netherlands are a great place to raise your kids, but maybe there is a better option? This test tells me I got it all wrong and should move to The United Kingdom: “You want your family to be intelligent, cultured, and hard-working, so you should raise your kids in the UK!” Because raising your kids to be intelligent, cultured and hard-working is not possible anywhere else?

What have I learned from these quizzes? That one can have a different inner nationality from the one that is on their passport. That we have many character traits that fit in with many different nationalities. And last but not least, online quizzes are fun but also such a waste of time.



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  • Reply swapna August 19, 2015 at 4:31 am

    hahaha! Imteresting article! I did one of the quizzes and I got Greece too! We just moved to Chile this month and am loving all you write about culture shock & multilingualism!
    swapna recently posted…Shaving Cream Puffy Paint ArtMy Profile

    • Reply Olga Mecking August 19, 2015 at 11:20 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words, please keep visiting and reading!

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